Day 13 / May 17, 2017
This morning Kim and I got up extra early so that we could meet with the counselor the cancer center had set us up with. I hated having to push my morning routine so early, but it was nice to miss a lot of the traffic we hit during the time we usually go.
When we met with the counselor she was nice, but it was more of a mechanical counseling session than a heart to heart session. She handed us a paper with the cycle of grieving on it and explained the different steps of grieving. She explained how it applied to our situation and where we both were in the cycle. The information was good, I'm just not sure how well it will help during those times I find myself depressed and moody.
She did have some helpful tidbits and was glad that Kim and I still had our sense of humor. We spent some time during the meeting making fun of each other and how we were creating our own stress in each other without the disease. We have always said you have to be able to laugh at yourself, and you can't take life too seriously. Maybe laughter is the best medicine.
After our counseling session we went over to the bunker so I could get cooked a little more. Once I got all bolted down on the table the techs started the scan.
Let me stop here and explain what is going on with my mouth. The radiation has killed the saliva glands in the back of my mouth. I have constant dry mouth uncompared to anything I have ever experienced before. When I am sleeping or resting and am not constantly sipping water I wake up choking because the back of my throat sticks together and there is no saliva or moisture to swallow.
Okay, with that said, the scan has started and we are about five minutes into it and I feel the back of my throat starting to get sticky. I try to work up some spit to swallow and I can't. I went into a straight panic. I can't move my head, open or close my mouth and I knew it was going to get worse over the next fifteen minutes. I was almost ready to start waving of my treatment and get removed from the radiation machine but tried to calm myself down first.
I started slowing down my breathing and breathing through my nose. I had to keep telling myself I can breath and I am not choking, it just feels that way. Eventually, I calmed down enough to finish the treatment without having to stop it. I left there thinking, Great something else to worry about.
I threw away my marble when I left and decided to leave that experience behind me.
When we met with the counselor she was nice, but it was more of a mechanical counseling session than a heart to heart session. She handed us a paper with the cycle of grieving on it and explained the different steps of grieving. She explained how it applied to our situation and where we both were in the cycle. The information was good, I'm just not sure how well it will help during those times I find myself depressed and moody.
She did have some helpful tidbits and was glad that Kim and I still had our sense of humor. We spent some time during the meeting making fun of each other and how we were creating our own stress in each other without the disease. We have always said you have to be able to laugh at yourself, and you can't take life too seriously. Maybe laughter is the best medicine.
After our counseling session we went over to the bunker so I could get cooked a little more. Once I got all bolted down on the table the techs started the scan.
Let me stop here and explain what is going on with my mouth. The radiation has killed the saliva glands in the back of my mouth. I have constant dry mouth uncompared to anything I have ever experienced before. When I am sleeping or resting and am not constantly sipping water I wake up choking because the back of my throat sticks together and there is no saliva or moisture to swallow.
Okay, with that said, the scan has started and we are about five minutes into it and I feel the back of my throat starting to get sticky. I try to work up some spit to swallow and I can't. I went into a straight panic. I can't move my head, open or close my mouth and I knew it was going to get worse over the next fifteen minutes. I was almost ready to start waving of my treatment and get removed from the radiation machine but tried to calm myself down first.
I started slowing down my breathing and breathing through my nose. I had to keep telling myself I can breath and I am not choking, it just feels that way. Eventually, I calmed down enough to finish the treatment without having to stop it. I left there thinking, Great something else to worry about.
I threw away my marble when I left and decided to leave that experience behind me.
I am SO SUPER PROUD of you!!! This is by far the toughest thing anyone can do mentally, EVER!! I am so proud to be your wife!! I've got your back sweetie!! Remember, Davis only had a stone and a sling shot!! YOU GOT THIS!!!
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